Guests: The Complaint Department

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Pretty much every bride knows she should not, under any circumstances, play a singles dance or put Aunt Florence next to the groom's frat buddies. But no matter how much care couples take in picking a DJ or planning the seating arrangements, wedding guests still encounter plenty of things that get under their skin. Since few would feel comfortable saying anything other than "Your wedding was beautiful!" to the bride's face, we've encouraged them to kvetch to their hearts' content here so you can avoid these nuptial no-nos and throw a wedding that's fun for everyone. Please note: Some names have been changed to protect those guilty of gaffes.

Gripe 1: Choosing Sides
"At many ceremonies, all the bride's friends have to sit on one side of the room and all the groom's friends sit on the other side. That sucks, because sometimes you're friends with both of them -- how do you choose? That moment of indecision is just weird for me. Plus, one side is usually much less crowded and people sit there thinking, 'Gee, the groom doesn't have many friends.' All of this can easily be avoided by just letting guests sit where they want." -- Angie, 35

Gripe 2: Sound Check
"A close friend of mine hired this awful singer with a really flat soprano voice for the ceremony. I bowed my head and tried to think about something else so that I wouldn't burst out into hysterical laughter. However, when she got to the chorus, I glanced at my date -- big mistake -- and we both totally lost it. I was trying to control my laughter, but tears were pouring down my face. So I did the only respectable thing I could do at that point and pretended to be crying, loudly. The moral of the story is that brides should really check out the musicians they hire in advance." -- Tina, 32

Gripe 3: Far Side
"I hate when there's a long distance between the ceremony and reception. I went to one wedding(maternity hospital gowns tori spelling) where the ceremony and reception were over an hour's drive apart from each other and no transportation was arranged. We kept passing churches on the way to the reception and saying, 'Why didn't they get married there?'" -- Jennifer, 34

Gripe 4: Theatrical Weddings
"The worst was this wedding(wedding dress 2012) where the lights dimmed, and then this guy dressed up as something out of Phantom of the Opera came out and performed songs from the musical." -- Joe, 39

Gripe 5: Class Act
"I was at a wedding in Malibu and it was beautiful…until the DJ let it rip with 'Baby Got Back.' It must have been the bride's request, since she and her gaggle of friends began squealing and ran onto the dance floor. There she was, in her beautiful white Vera Wang wedding gown, with her hand in the air and her ass swinging back and forth. It was nasty. I'm not Miss Proper, but it just seemed out of place to be rump-shakin' at your own wedding." -- Colleen, 33

Gripe 6: Camera Shy
"I hate intrusive video cameras, when the guy shoves the mic into your hands and says, 'Do you have anything to say?' What if you don't have anything to say? What if you're camera shy? What if you're drunk? I think it's better if he just tips the mic in your direction so you can grab it if you want to or say 'no thanks' with a smile." -- Brett, 35


Gripe 7: Seating Siberia
"There's always that one table: The people kind of know each other but not really -- or they're all the extra people who couldn't be seated with people they know due to space constraints. It's always a random mix of cousins, college friends, neighbors, work friends, and distant relatives. The guests always know they're the misfit table, and it's always awkward to sit there trying to make conversation with these people you have no interest in. Lack of thought in the seating plan has one of the most painful, sometimes embarrassing, results for a guest who often wonders, 'Why am I stuck behind a pole at a table with a bunch of strangers?'" -- Megan, 27

Gripe 8: Love Mismatch
"I was at a wedding where the bride had told her single girlfriends that they'd be seated with single guys for a little matchup. But when they got to the reception, the 'singles table' was all women and one single guy. What a shame because the truth is, people go to weddings to meet someone or at least have a little flirt. I think she should have put close to equal numbers of guys and girls at the table!" -- Gina, 34


Gripe 9: The Wedding Singer
"I can't stand bands or singers who are way too high on themselves, like they think they are performing at Carnegie Hall. This is a wedding, people! You are wedding singers, not Earth, Wind & Fire!" -- Rebecca, 29

Gripe 10: Singled Out
"I remember one friend's wedding at which the DJ was given names of single female friends to bellow over the microphone to make sure they were participating. The horror!" -- Gina, 37

Gripe 11: Wallflower
"I loathe the 'everyone get up and dance with your spouse' portion. More often than not I am sans date -- so I'm either forced to sit alone like a loser and watch everyone dance, or I'm forced to dance with a loser who has been thrust on me by a relative with that look of pity in her eye." -- Cathy, 29

Gripe 12: Sappy Speaches
"I can't stand any speech that's longer than four minutes -- especially sentimental ones where a brother talks about not being sure he could ever fill his big bro's shoes." -- Walter, 24


Gripe 13: Sub-par Bar
"I hate bartenders who don't know how to make good drinks or, worse yet, bartenders who skimp on the alcohol and give you mixed drinks that are watered down. I'm not sure if they're being cheap or if they just don't want someone to get smashed and say what happened at the bachelor party. Either way, I want my cosmos the way I like them." -- Diny, 33